Darwin says..."Almost...Almost...Damn!"

Must be nice to be a uber-rich brat child: Paris Hilton has survived a minor car crash caused by her idiot boyfriend driving her Bentley with his coat over his head to foil the paparazzi-- by doing so he drove into the back of a truck twice and nearly took out a pedestrian. No tickets were given, no sobriety tests were taken (despite another passenger saying "I'm the only sober one!") and we can all say it together... DAMN IT.

I swear after the apocalypse, all that will be left are cockroaches, twinkies, Keith Richards and Paris Hilton. The fate of the human population will have to rest on the Human Drug Raisin and the Drunken Ho-bag.

"Apoco..Apoka-whatever, the end of the world is hot."

If it were anyone else, of the non-super-wealthy set, their asses would be cooling on a jail bench as we speak. They'd be waiting for their public defender to show up, and booked on DWI and public intoxication charges. They'd have the case covered on some "World's Worst Drivers" clip show on SpikeTV, instead of walking away freely and not having a single worry about such silly things as personal responsibility.

And in other news, Enrique Iglesias said he wants to endorse a line of extra-small condoms. I think this is likely a joke. But hey, who knows? I don't care, he's still pretty.