Accident Timeline

I've always been a klutzy person. I don't get injured as much as I used to, but I still trip over my own feet and walk into walls. I did rip this idea off from LindsayQuinn-- http://lindseyquinn.blogspot.com/ , but I changed the format since I can't remember any dates.

I count this because it was an accident. I was about a year old. It was not long after my mom went back to work and I was with my first babysitter. Apparently I found one of her cat's toys and chewed on it until the catnip inside fell out. So I did what babies do with new things, and I crammed it into my mouth. My babsitter found me gnawing on a ball of catnip, so she called my mom- who proceeded to go crazy with worry about me being poisoned. She called my doctor who told her "She'll be ok, she'll just be...hyper...for a little while."

When I was about 5 or 6 my knees were constantly scraped up. In fact, throughout elementary school (and why kid...high school as well) I was well-known by the school nurse to come in to ask for band-aids. I always kid with my mom that if she had ever lost me that she would have to put my face on a band-aid box and not a milk carton. One time I was goofing around with my dog and she knocked me down. I re-opened a cut on my knee. I still have the scar. I also banged my head on the sidewalk. Nothing new.

I learned how to ride my bike at 7-- and rolled it, flipped it, and crashed it. All the time. I lived on a hill and I used to love huffing and puffing my way up to the top and cruising down. My mother came outside to watch me do it one afternoon. I did fine until my bike hit a rock. I flew off and continued on down the hill full-speed on my knees.

Then once I was on a long bike trip around town with a few friends, we were on the side of the road and it was very sandy. My front tire slipped off the edge of the pavement, dug into the sand and I flew over the handlebars and smacked down ribcage-first onto the road. It knocked the wind out of me, I scraped my chin, knees, and hands. My glasses flew about 4 feet when I landed.

I went to tennis camp at 12 in Florida, at the University of Gainesville. My group was walking across a parking lot together and I tripped over my feet and ended up skidding on the pavement for a few feet on my face. The left side of my face was a giant scrape. They don't make band-aids that big, and the huge scab ended up coming off when I was in the pool. They don't make therapy for that.

Then, at about 13, I wanted to learn how to rollerblade. I used an old pair belonging to my mom's boyfriend's son. I was in the middle of the road when my ankle rolled and I dropped. I bruised my ass, and scraped my hands again. I couldn't get up and one of my friends had to help me get out of the way of a car. Did I mention we were out there at night?

Also at 13 I was hit in the face by a backpack in the hallway at school. I didn't realize my nose was bleeding til a teacher flipped out and told me to go to the nurse. Turned out the bridge of my glasses had been shoved onto my face so hard that it had cut me. Quite the badass geek injury.

At 14 I had a tiny pocketknife that I used to play with (yeah, I should have known better.) Until it shut on my right middle finger and cut down the bone. I should have gotten stitches, but I was too busy waving my hand around like a total spaz and swearing. I still have the scar for that too.

Also at 14 I was accidentally hit in the back of the head with a golf club (2-iron, to be specific) during gym class. I blacked out and hit my knees. I was out for about 10 seconds, I think. I finished the mini course the teachers set up and then told my gym teacher. She immediately told me to get to the nurse (it had been about a day since I'd last seen her.) I was given an ice pack and advice not to fall asleep.

Also at 14 I got caught in a riptide when boogie boarding on Wilmington Beach with a friend. I freaked out and had an asthma attack and my friend and I had to be pulled onshore. My info is presumably still on file with the Beach Police. In the last 9 years I've only been immersed in the ocean once-- snorkeling in St. Thomas.

Between 15 and 18 I was too busy being an angsty mess to really notice much else. But when I was 17 one of my friends was kidding around and pushed me on a flight of stairs. I fell and knocked my kneecap out of alignment. Worst pain to date with the exception of migraines.

In college most of my injuries were of the "Unidentified and Drunken" variety. Nothing new.

The summer before last I was shopping with my mother and as I stepped off of a curb my trick ankle rolled again, so I fell and landed on it. I sprained it by falling on it. Unfortunately at the time I was working at a summer camp with tons of kids, and the requirement to teach nature classes. I hobbled my way around until my boss was wise enough to realize that I was horrible with nature and shifted me to another position.

And last week I was trying to put some lotion on my legs after I shaved. I propped my leg up on my bed and somehow got my foot caught in the footboard. I scraped my knee on my bedframe (never too old for that!) and crashed into my chair. While I didn't fall down, I felt like the world's biggest idiot.

But since no one saw me, all I can do is laugh. My birthday is in a week, and I just wonder if I'll continue to be a klutz for another year. The magic-8 ball says-- All signs point to YES.