Merry F'n Christmas

I did it. I started and finished my Christmas shopping in one day. I'm broke now.

I woke up at 8, and proceeded to stumble around like a caffeine-deprived zombie for 2 hours (I wake up notoriously slow,) by 10 my mom, her boyfriend and I set out for Target. Ipod-applicable earphones for my brother, stainless steel travel coffee mugs for my dad and stepmom, stocking stuffers for my mom and a bunch of little stuff.

50 bucks later...

We went to IHOP for lunch. Or as it is better known, Lewis Black's "health club."

Off to the mall. I make a first stop into the As Seen On TV store. I got a car buffer mit and turtle wax cloths for my dad's car, and 2 of those Owl reading light/magnifying cards. One for mom, one for my grandparents.

35 bucks later...

I went to the the Christmas Tree Shop. Bastion of all that is the Chaos of Christmas. They even had cops in there to regulate the masses. And there were MASSES of people. Unorganized floods of carts, baskets, aisles of assorted crap with treasures, and the elderly-- oh, and babies. Lots of babies. There I was with my unwieldy basket of odds and ends, and two giant boxes. I ended up buying amongst more little things-- a fiber-optic Christmas Village house for my Aunt, a portable back massager chair pad for my dad, a scrapbook kit for my stepmom, a stocking because I thought it was pretty and a hideous computer-printed novelty tie for my dad. Payback for all the tricks he pulled on Christmas with me.

55 bucks later...

I go to Hallmark. I buy two candle tarts. For me.

3 bucks later...

I go to Boscov's, and by a small box of Godiva for my mom, gourmet coffee and cookies, and a giant hatbox to put it in.

23 bucks later...

I go to the calendar store, and pick up a Harry Potter desk calendar and a stuffed lab puppy toy for my mom...and put it in the hatbox. Damn thing was heavy.

28 bucks later...

Back to the Christmas Tree Shop, because I had forgotten wrapping paper, tissue paper and bows.

11 bucks later...

I collapse in the car and wait for my mom to finish.

I'm broke as fuck now, and I have to pick up an application for the local gas station. I'm hoping they hire me and they I don't get mugged walking home.

Tis the Holiday Season, time to repent past financial sins and commit new ones.