Handcuffs, Egotism and Chicken Wings

I'm back from my overnight trip home. For all my rampant cynicism, I really did have fun. This is one hell of a long entry though, heads up. I tried to hit the highlights.

My friend got here to pick me up around 6 yesterday. We had some of the birthday cake I'd made for him, and by 7 or so, we were on the road. The city I live in seems to be comprised of mostly one-way roads, kind of like a smaller and grimier Boston. We made it onto the Thruway, and it was a straight shot to my hometown.

We found a parking spot at the fair, and immediately walked to the main pavilion to find my father. It was easy, he was the DJ. I'd expected to feel stifled right away, but I wasn't. Mostly it was a sense of raging nostalgia. We goofed around for a while and ran into one of my oldest best friends. She wasted no time telling my friend some of my most embarrassing stories (the best one is when I smoked weed for the first time, and had no idea it caused the munchies. All I knew was that I drank about 10 glasses of water and ate an entire bag of doritos. I mentioned the whole story further back in another entry in July.)

The place looked exactly as I'd remembered it from every other year I'd gone. However, since I had a friend with me, it wasn't so rough. We bought a couple of beers in the commemorative glass mugs they sell every year-- it's about time I started my collection. My dad has 27 from the last 29 last years.

Last night we were there til around 10. I only saw a few people that gave me the urge to run up, kick them in the shins and run away. No worries, I didn't do it. Afterwards, my dad, my brother, my friend and me went to a local bar. It's THE place to go in town. Greatest chicken wings ever (my friend is a convert now. I can't eat them often...but they're the best. Screw Buffalo.) I had been craving a bacon cheddar burger with curly fries and gravy from there for the last 6 months, so I mowed that down like I was being paid by the calorie. We were there for 2 hours, just telling silly family stories. My dad is so funny, but the thing is, he's kind of a big fish in a small pond. Everyone knows him-- which was both a blessing and a curse when I lived there. On the positive side, I took less garbage because of it, and on the negative side-- I couldn't get away with a damned thing EVER. It always got back to him, so I just gave up and waited til college to screw up.

I was so glad to get to see my brother. I can't believe how much he's changed. It's crazy to see, since I don't get up there as much as I should. He recently went out west to visit family, and for the last few weeks he's been telling me on the phone that he brought something back for me. I was curious, because usually he can't keep a gift secret for more than a few days haha. He gave me my present last night and I was literally speechless. He helped my aunt make me a New York Yankees quilt. It's unbelievable. He fooled dad by telling him he was making it for him, and when he got back to NY, he let him know it was for me. It's on my bed now. It's the best thing he could have ever given me. I'm so proud of how he's turning out. For a 13 year-old boy, he's remarkably stable and is his own person. His favorite music is old school rock and country, in a land of rap fans.

This morning we were up before 8. No seriously, we were. We ended up deciding to go out to breakfast and then go see 40 Year Old Virgin. The host at the restaurant was really silly, he was swearing to me that he remembered me from eating there before. I like it when men with accents flirt harmlessly with me. It's good for the ego.

The movie was great. I rarely laugh out loud watching a movie, and Steve Carell had me howling. Admittedly, I think he's gorgeous, and he was the only reason I didn't hate Anchorman...but he did an awesome job. His character was just so damn lovably cranky that I found myself wishing I could find a guy like that. The movie had a decent message, so unlike the rest of the movies out.

After the movie, we tried to find where the friend we'd met up with the night before lived, but got confused. I still don't know for sure where she lives. It put me in a piss-poor mood. For an hour or so I was really touchy. I was mad because there was almost literally nothing to do that didn't cost money. We ended up taking a trip to Wal-Mart, where I bought unnecessary items-- a cheap DVD (Evolution) and a t-shirt (one of the new vintage style band shirts. I bought the Rolling Stones one.) I don't care. It cost 10 bucks and looks fantastic.

We made it to the fair for Day 2, and met up with another old friend of mine. She's great. I was lucky, the close friends I had were good influences...and somehow we all turned out to be pretty much the same. Maybe I'm just more political. The swearing habits are almost even.

Hot dogs and fries for dinner. I noticed I must have changed and not really seen it myself. It's an old joke, but it's true. If you ever want to feel really good about yourself-- go to a small-town fair. You'll leave with your ego singing showtunes. It's like a nice shot of "Shit. I'm positively stunning compared to this."

My friend was telling me that he appreciated the change of scene from downstate. It must have seemed a hundred times more low-key. He also appreciated the smells. To me it smells like grass and cow manure in the sun, but to him it smelled better than "smoke coming from the nearest TGIFridays." Ok dude. Whatever works for you. It smells like cow crap to me, but thats what I associate with home.

The three of us wandered around. We walked about 20 feet, stopped to talk, and then realized we were holding up traffic...walked another 20 feet and stopped to talk again. We ran into my dad, who had had a few beers and is really a jolly drinker. Thankfully for me, he's not in the least embarrassing. The absolute BEST and most priceless moment went like this:

We saw other people laughing and pointing at two guys dressed up as a giant police whistle and as McGruff the Crime Dog (you know, "Take a Bite Outta Crime!") The whistle came right at me, and we decided to pose for a picture. I saw my friend fumbling around in his bag for something, and meanwhile McGruff leaned over to talk to me and said, "It's hot as hell in here." haha, it was another one of my friends! I whispered to him that I have once dressed up as Winnie the Pooh on a very hot summer day, and that I felt his pain. My friend fished something out of his bag-- a pair of handcuffs!! He cuffed his hands together and joined in the picture. It was Giant Whistle, Me, McGruff and then him. My dad took the picture.

My father looked at me and said, "We need to talk," and pointed at the cuffs, then he put his arm around my friend and said, "No. WE need to have a talk." My friend was laughing like crazy and told him, "No! I didn't bring them with me! I swear! I bought them here!" So he just told my father that the only souvenir that he thought was "practical" was a pair of handcuffs-- and then posed in a picture with me while wearing them. So my dad now believes I'm sleeping with my best male friend. One problem... he's gay! haha. I'll let him know, but dad will probably end up feeling disappointed, he's been waiting for a while for a chance to scare a potential boyfriend with his "Let's go for a walk with my shotgun and a shovel. If you answer my questions-- we'll both walk out. If not, I'll still have my shotgun and shovel and walk out alone" speech. We took some interesting pictures.

We left around 8:30, and got back here around 10-ish. We only got a little lost. It feels like I spent more time there than I did, and I'll probably think of more to write about later, or at least I'll snark on some things more. On a solely bitchy and honestly awful-of-me note-- I found out that one of the girls that had made my life hell in school now has what sounds like an extreme coke addiction and looks like a walking medical skeltal specimen. Oh well. Better to be fat and happy than coked-out and fugly, right?