"Now for something Completely Different!"

I've got a song on, it's one of those songs that I can never listen to without thinking about someone. The summer of 2003 I worked up at school and lived on-campus. I met a guy through a friend, and even though I was warned that I'd likely dislike him... I thought he was great. Totally unlike anyone I'd met before, and he played the guitar *rueful smile* I never knew I was a guitar bunny before that. I went to visit his room and found him playing a song I recognized and we were talking about music, turned out we shared a lot in common with our taste in music-- hardcore mainstream rock and punk. I told him my favorite band was Staind. I could listen to them play for hours and Aaron Lewis' voice can calm me down like nothing else.

The guy and I hung out, never kissed or anything, and I realized I really liked him. Then he learned to play a Staind song, I don't know if it was for me, but in my little ego-world I'll pretend it was. It was one of sweetest gestures ever. I know, I'm a sucker. A week or two later, he had to go home for a week and we talked online, and he told me he liked me, too. I told him we should be friends and see what happens, because we were both dealing with issues. I was so happy, it was rediculous.

When he came back from his vacation, we hung out once or twice more, and still, nothing happened. Then I started to notice him talking about another girl, like mentioning her in away messages. I didn't know how to ask and not look stupid...but a mutual friend finally told me that he'd slept with some girl and was totally into her now, but he still thought of me as a friend. He later told me he'd slept with her in part because she was "so hot," and that made me feel like dog crap on a warm day.

I was really shattered, I felt like I'd had no chance. I didn't make a move because I didn't want to rush him, and then all that happened. To make matters worse, after that I got over that and even though I was still angry, I was still talking to him. He even still flirted with me, but it really meant nothing. He made jokes about me coming to sleep in his bed, but I knew that I could have shown up naked at his door and he would have had no clue how to handle it.

Towards the end of the summer another friend of mine brought to my attention that he was now going after yet another friend of mine. He even had the balls to ask me how to get her. They ended up dating, for about 2 weeks-- then he dumped her-- over AIM. Looked to me like I got out lucky. I talked to my friend, and turned out that she had no idea that the "other girl" he liked was, in fact, me. I'll never know if he was spineless, an asshole, or just totally confused. I was really pissed for a while, then moved on. I gave him a quick, and only ever, kiss before I left school, I guess just to fuck him up a little. I think I only remember it so clearly because it's attached to one of my all-time favorite songs. It seems silly now, but it's years later, and I can look back and laugh-- or at least not cringe over how stupid the whole dramatic episode was.

That summer was crazy. The title, that I so nicely ripped off from Monty Python is also a quote from a friend to describe my taste in men. She also said things like, "If a man needs more than one glass of water to consume your underwear collection you're not wearing enough thongs" I miss her now haha.

I also almost started to be interested in one guy I knew from my dorm, that I always saw out at the bars. Then one night I saw him out and he fell into a construction ditch because he was so drunk and didn't recognize me. I was... less than enthused. I'm sorry about that, I hope he's doing well now.

I look back now and realize that it was at least 50-50 between me and the guys I hung out with (not slept with, lets make that clear) screwed things up worse. I was a bitch sometimes, and took things personally. I often acted badly when things didn't work out. Not the best way to start a decent relationship, so none ever did. Enough time has passed now, though, to think more objectively about it all and recognize my own faults. It took me a while I realize that I didn't damn myself (in a non-religious sense) by fucking up. Hell, I'm 23, and wouldn't it be a little sad if someone made it all the way to their early 20's and never made a few mistakes, even if it meant hooking up with the wrong person or drinking too much and looking foolish? Then again, I'm only 23-- its ok to move on and try again.