It's Not New Years but...

I made an agreement with my mother today. Actually, it was a sneaky guilt trip that I dumped on her that I feel no shame for.

She talks about how she wants to quit smoking, and how she needs to do it. In my case, I know I need to drop some pounds for health's sake. So I told her I'd drop 20 pounds, starting when she quits smoking. I've been trying anyway, but I think it's a good way to make myself get off my ass-- and her off hers too. Her smoking hurt me, it aggravated my asthma and likely left me with lung damage, but I don't dump that on her. What's done is done. I just want her to be healthier, and by inhaling whatever the hell is in those things isn't helping. She's survived cancer, I don't want to lose her to cigarettes. She loves me and wants to see me in better shape-- if only for me to feel better about myself, so I think she'll try harder for me. I hate to twist her arm, but oh well, I won't feel badly about it. We'll both be better off.

However. I am TIRED of the bullshit going around about fad diets. I figure the best way for me to drop a few is to not eat all the crap food and exercise more. I'm not following any diet that tells me that bagels and apples are evil and that bacon is ok. Nor am I going to waste my money on prepacked foods when I can cook better things myself. I'm not an idiot, portion control and exercise are key-- not whining about good carbs and bad carbs and obsessively counting every calorie. I like who I am, and I am who I am no matter what dress size I wear.

I've seen my friends and family go through insane hoops to fit into society's standards--not just into last year's jeans. My stepmother did that LA diet thing, basically it was liquid juice stuff for 2 meals and something innocuously bland for dinner. Then she tried that food combination diet. I remember looking at her meal schedule wondering if the people that come up with that shit have ever actually eaten food before. She had days where she could "eat all the raisins or watermelon" she wanted-- and that was it. Or days with protein, but never with carbs. It made no sense to me. All I knew was that she was bitchy and hungry all the time and that I wanted her to eat a damn steak.

One time I was really sick, it was my freshman years of college. I had enough energy to slog over to the campus convenience store to pick up some food to live off of while I hibernated in my room til I felt better. I picked up milk, teddy grahams, turkey and bread and ice cream, among other stuff. Behind me I heard two girls discussing how "fat and disgusting" they were becoming. The first said that she thought she was getting ugly and that she needed to start dieting more. Then second said that she'd started smoking, to cut down on her appetite and that it was working. The first said that it was a good idea and that she should try that too. All I could think was, "What? I'd rather be a size 14 than that stupid and desperate for acceptance." I turned to look at them, and not surprisingly they looked like they couldn't have been more than 115 pounds each. Sad shit.

So here's to more salads and less brownies (I said less, not none.)